Clarification

Taken today after my husband came home! Do I look happy?!

So, here's the story. The last time I posted, I was quite melancholy. What?!? YOu didn't figure that out?!?! I waited ALL day long for one tiny text from Haiti as simple as "happy bday".

It never came.

I convinced myself that Kevin was busy and didn't have time that day to text. Or maybe something had happened to the service and it just couldn't make it out of the country. He knew it was my birthday and he loves me and he will let me know when he got home. I went to bed feeling just slightly down. (yeah, right. Who am I kidding with that statement?!?!)

The next day Kevin sent me SEVERAL texts as I was taking Abby to school telling me happy birthday and explaining that he had had a "senior" moment. Turns out he HAD texted me on my birthday! The problem was he sent it to HIS cell phone instead of mine! He said "Isn't that funny?! HA HA!" I have to say I didn't find it terribly funny at the time, but it IS pretty hilarious now! And he was the YOUNG guy on the trip!.....

Venting--You have been warned...

Today is my birthday.

Today is my birthday, and my husband is 2000 miles away in another country.

Sadly, this isn't the first time that Kevin has been away on my birthday. I think the other time he was away on business or something. I don't rightly remember. I have slept since then...a lot.

I have known for a while that he would be gone on my birthday. I can't at all say, with conviction, that I have ever been ok with that. I love him too much. He is my soulmate in every way. God made the two of us to be together, and we will be until He calls us to be with Him for eternity. My grandparents were married for 58 years, 9 months, 3 weeks, and 6 days before my grandmother passed away. I fully intend to beat that record, Lord willing.

I know that this trip has been good for Kevin. I can't wait until he comes home and tells us all about it. He is a great man, and the world deserves to know him. I am certain he has learned things about himself that will last a lifetime. I am also fairly certain that this is something he will want to do again. I don't doubt or refute any of the positive issues that have surfaced from him making this trip.

I think in alot of ways, this journey has been good for me. I have, surprisingly to me, learned things about myself as well. I may not have changed as much as Kevin has, but I think I am a slightly different person now also.

That does not in any way make this week any easier.

If you have been praying for me, please know how much I have appreciated and felt the prayers you have presented to God on my behalf. If you hadn't been praying for me, I don't believe there is a way I could have made it through this week without them. I thank you for the encouraging words, the words of comfort and the show of support from everyone. I got MANY birthday wishes from friends and family--at least 30 I would say. But I would trade them all for one birthday wish from Haiti.

All of this has not made the time any less lonely. I have stayed fairly busy. My in-laws (especially) have bent over backwards to help make the time pass more quickly and have helped in any and every way. Countless friends have offered help and companionship. I have taken Abby to school, cared for the boys as always, attended church regularly, joined in functions, gone out to eat, etc. But I have still found myself at home crying for my best friend.

The tears hit me so suddenly, I have no time to even consider fighting them back. Thanks be to God for the fact that my children have not witnessed this. Abby would dissolve into tears if she saw that from me, and I believe it might frighten the boys.

I feel so selfish. I want my husband right beside--now and always. I fight that even when he is home. At least then I get to lay beside him in bed every night. I haven't talked to him in 5 days.

5 days.

I don't know how he is feeling. I don't know what he is doing. I don't know where he has been. These are the things we talk about. Every day. I feel like I have missed SO much.

Everyone is trying to comfort me. But, in all reality, I don't want to be comforted. I don't want to be strong. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to scream. I want to get mad. I want to cry when I feel like it. I want my husband back.

Of course, I can't give in to the urges. As I said before, it wouldn't be good for the kids. And what would it accomplish anyway? I can't change this. I wouldn't want to change this. I told Kevin I didn't want him to go because I was selfish. But I also told him I didn't want to be the reason he didn't go because I am selfish. Because he is my best friend and he understand me better than anyone else, he knew exactly what I was saying to him. I would miss him more than I could possibly even fathom at the time, and more than I can handle at times now that I am right in the midst of it, but I support him and I am PROUD of him for what he is doing.

So, I find myself pushing forward. Being strong. Counting down the days. The hours. The minutes.

I have two more nights to go to sleep alone.

I have a day and a half left to be alone during the days.

Happy 33rd Birthday to me.

Thanks for listening. And, yes, I will be just fine. I will post a more positive birthday experience later. It was wonderful in lots of other ways.

The Beauty of ABC

No offense to any other mothers out there, but I do believe (as all of you do about your kids) that I have the three most beautiful children on the planet. God has blessed me richly! How did I get this lucky? And do I really deserve it? Does anyone?....Things to think on while I enjoy my life with these precious gifts.....

11 months old...already?!?!

My baby boy is 11 months old. Well, he is actually 11 months and 1 week old. However, ALL of these photos and videos were taken ON the day he turned 11 months old. So, technically, I am not cheating....much.

What can I say about him? He is SO sweet. He is definitely a snuggler. He lights up when Daddy walks in to a room. He understand you when asked if he wants to go see MawMaw and PawPaw, but he is only interested in saying "PawPaw" right now. (Sorry, Maw) He is sociable. He puts anything up to his ear and says, "Hi!" And he does it every time! He's stubborn. He's observant. He can be quiet and play by himself for quite a long period of time, but when he is done, you had better hold him! He has learned to make his presence known and no longer has the time to wait his turn. He is fantastic in bible class...most of the time. He's a flirt. He's a momma's boy. He is his sibling's brother, but different all together. He loves to be rocked. He gives kisses. And the most amazing hugs. The list could go on and will as I narrate the pictures that follow.

He knows what a camera is for and tries to give you a good shot every time. It is about time I had one of those kinds of kids...

The way he wrestles with a pillow can last for several minutes (which is saying alot at this age) and makes me laugh out loud! He pounces on it, rolls over it, turns it over, hides under it, and lays on top of it.

He was making a noise with his mouth like a truck. Cracked me up.....

He has this scrunchy nose face that is just adorable. This picture doesn't really do it justice, but it is SO cute and he does it on command.

This is his newest trick. We think he may be a Texas Tech Red Raider. We are ok with that.

And, he just started walking. My baby. I can't believe we are already to this stage. I absolutely couldn't imagine adding another child to this family one year ago, and I honestly can't imagine our lives without this precious bundle. And he truly is JOY...

WE LOVE YOU COLLIN MAC!!!!!

My middle child

I have stated many times since we found out about Collin that Byron was a middle child before he was a middle child. He is sweet and frustrating and kind and mean and helpful and stubborn and loving and makes you want to pull your hair out and makes you want to snuggle up to him as close and tight as you can. He loves attention and LOVES having his picture taken. He often holds Collin down and asks me to take their picture. When I get out the camera, I never know what will be recorded. Here are a few I just wanted to share for today of my wonderful, fantastic, energetic 3 yr old.

Happy
Mischevious Solemn TIRED!!!I made him walk into the house after being asleep in the car. I asked him if he wanted me to take him to his bed so he could sleep some more. He said no and when I finished getting Collin and everything else out of the car, this is what I found! I did move him to a more comfortable place and he slept for a couple of more hours. I never know what to expect from him! :)